


Frozen Heart

by Mr_B0n3s



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Abuse, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, I will add more as I go, Immortality, Kinda..., M/M, Slow Burn, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26757019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_B0n3s/pseuds/Mr_B0n3s
Summary: Bill was at a loss. A complete loss. He had everything he’d ever wanted, control of earth’s dimension, utter chaos in every corner he looked, all the power he’d ever wanted… but he didn’t have Dipper. His sweet, star speckled soulmate. He had him in the physical sense at least. But not in heart and not in mind.
Relationships: Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines
Comments: 16
Kudos: 102





	1. Desperation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Boozombie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boozombie/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Axolotl Prophecy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16319801) by [Boozombie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boozombie/pseuds/Boozombie). 



> Hi! This is my first published BillDip fic and I just _crave _regretful Bill/Helpless Dipper. This fic is loosely based on The Axolotl Prophecy by Boozombie. The thing iS, I included one of my own minor OC's not included in their story.__

Bill was at a loss. A complete loss. He had everything he’d ever wanted, control of earth’s dimension, utter chaos in every corner he looked, all the power he’d ever wanted… but he didn’t have Dipper. His sweet, star speckled soulmate. He had him in the physical sense at least. But not in heart and not in mind.  
Bill watched from the doorway as Dipper slept. Bill couldn’t remember the last time he’d been awake, not like time was a useful thing to him anyway. But if he had to guess, it was a couple months at least. If Dipper ever stirred or woke up, he would just turn over and fall back into blissful, dreamless sleep. Bill granted him that much at least. He was almost regretting that deal now actually… It wasn’t as though Bill couldn’t live without him. He was perfectly content navigating a life that lacked Dipper’s presence. But the feeling lingered. The need to touch and hold, the need to feel _real _emotions. It was almost suffocating how much he needed him. Bill didn’t realize just how _torturous _it would be to even have a soulmate! For much of his eternal life, he’d believed that when you had a soulmate they would just cling to you, and you could abuse and corrupt them, mold them to who you want them to be. But this was apparently not the case based on how badly Dipper had reacted to their bonding.  
Bill had taken his left eye, as was to complete the ritual of Dipper’s immortality. In the moment, he was euphoric to see Dipper in so much pain, but now he felt… regret? Was that even a thing he _could _feel? Having emotions were so confusing. Life as a soulless demon was so much simpler when all he desired was destruction.  
He crept slowly into Dipper’s room, careful not to make a sound and he crawled into the bed to hold Dipper’s almost lifeless body. He could still feel his heartbeat, slow and heavy, and he could still hear his breath as it left his body in tiny huffs. Bill buried his head in Dipper’s shoulder, deeply breathing in the warm, piney scent of his skin. Sometimes, he seemed too perfect to exist, too perfect for Bill to have anyway.  
As he laid there holding his (to-be) lover’s body, he noticed something… off. Something inherently wrong. The demon pulled his head lower, pressing his ear to Dipper’s back. Dipper… was _dying _. Bill shot up in a panic, completely dumbfound as to how he could be _dying _! He was goddamn immortal! Bill made sure of it!  
He marched out of the room, fuming, his one eye turning completely black, his skin turning red.  
“Sir, are you ok, what’s going on?” A timid voice asked him from behind.  
“Pinetree is dying.” Bill shot back.  
The lower demon gasped, “What shall we do sir?”  
“Get out of my sight. I don’t need any help.”  
“But-”  
Billed roared a blood curdling wail and threw a fireball at the demon. He missed by only an inch, but it was enough to have the demon running away in terror.  
Bill continued his ascent to the library, the most massive room in his palace of chaos. It contained all of human and demon knowledge. As he arrived, the first thing he did was find the books of summoning. He knew what he had to do. He had known that he would need to call upon this entity again someday.  
He hastily opened his book of choice to the last chapter, _The Grand Creator. _This was God, or what many people perceived as God. They were responsible for everything made in the universe. The Big Bang, galaxies, stars, planets, but most importantly, life. They created Earth, humans, and other creatures, not to mention demons and angels as well. Their only intention with the universe is to create, they will let other things destroy. What is most peculiar about this creator though, is that they do not perceive themselves as grand or above all else. They are generous and benevolent. They house forgiveness in their heart, forgiveness that is easily given to those in need. Bill Cipher considered himself in need.  
He gathered the supplies needed for summoning this god, five green candles representing earth, white chalk to draw the pentagram, and the ashes of a tree branch to represent life. The pentagram’s design was complicated but Bill was swift while using magic. He had drawn the circle and symbols in a matter of seconds. The ashes were placed in the center and around the inner perimeter, while the five green candles were placed equally around the outer perimeter. With a snap of his fingers the candles were lit and he started the incantation.  
_“humilem et sapientia creaturae Dei, In me gratiam tuam a me adducere et lumen, et gloria mea ut recipiant aequalia, ilii vobis quia ego sum a sanguine.” _  
The lights of the room went out and the candles burned higher, their flames almost reaching the ceiling. For a moment, the world was deafeningly silent. When sound came crashing back to him, so did light, and before him stood an entity that couldn’t be described by natural language. The being did not have a face or body, but it did have something akin to eyes and hands. The color that it was could never be seen by human eyes, for they were far off the visible spectrum. It seemed to be made up of ever-changing abstract shapes, that shifted and moved, never keeping to one form. The being addressed Bill with its eyes, but it did not speak or make any sound. Bill started with a large and theatrical bow, having seemingly forgotten about his predicament, but were any smarter man to see his expression, they would know that he was furious.  
“The great Creator, how are you?” He said in his usual cheery tone.  
The creator’s voice when they responded was not discernible by human ears, it sounded as though hundreds of creatures were trying to say one thing in unison.  
“Ah! Well then I see? If your state is anything to judge by.” Bill responded easily as this eldritch language was no issue for him to understand.  
The creator began to take a new configuration then, parts coming together to represent something human-like, but not entirely there. It rested in the uncanny valley of creatures.  
“Get to the point demon.” It said, wielding a new somewhat androgynous voice.  
Bill knew they were insulting him. The creator knows every living thing by its name, for the Creator’s mind was infinite. The fact that they had chosen to address Bill by a title other than his name meant he was already on the bad side of this god.  
Bill’s face dropped, “I need you to heal my soulmate.”  
The entity laughed, “Who, might I ask, hurt your soulmate in the first place?”  
Bill snarled, “You know damn well what happened. You’ve seen everything.”  
“Pray tell then, why should I help you if you were the one who abused my _gift _in the first place.”  
“I was careless and stupid. I mistreated him because I did not understand the consequences. Is that enough for you?”  
“Bill, more than one million years ago you came to me, begging on your knees to give you a soulmate. I graciously provided you with one when the time became right. And how do you repay me? By hurting and abusing my gift.”  
“Please. Please help him. I’ll do anything.” Bill bowed his head in shame, “He’s the first person to ever make me feel anything.” What Bill said was the whole truth. Dipper had created a space in his cold demon heart where he had finally felt things. That isn’t to say that he doesn’t hold onto his uncaring facade, he still persistently acts like an asshole. But when Dipper is hurt, Bill is hurt too. And for the past several months, Bill has been in excruciating pain.  
The Creator looked at him and sighed, turning away, “I will visit you tomorrow. All that I ask of you in return is that you take care of him.”  
Bill looked up in sudden glee, relief filling his veins, “Thank you for your _everlasting _generosity!” He said with an almost sarcastic bow.  
The creator rolled his eyes, the summoning circle going dark as they left.__________________


	2. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Creator comes to visit Bill and finds what's wrong with Dipper ;P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K, I may have dummy brain, but I promise this chapter will make more sense after you read the bottom noteS

The next morning Bill woke up next to Dipper, holding his still warm body. Bill sighed in relief seeing that his Pinetree was still very much alive. He slinked out of bed and stretched in an almost cat-like manner. The way his spine arched deviated from the idea that he looked human. With a snap of his fingers, he was dressed in his usual formal attire, a black suit with yellow accents.  
Almost immediately as he exited the room into the hallway he heard the scream of his “doorbell,” which was really more of an unfortunate lower demon who had the balls to stand up to Bill, only to then be turned into a dismembered screaming head. In a puff of smoke he had disappeared and reappeared at the castle’s main entrance in less than a second.  
He was greeted with the sight of a rather normal looking man, probably in his late thirties or forties. He had long black hair that reached his hips, with grey streaks running through it. Resting on the bridge of his nose was a pair of small, rectangle glasses and he was dressed sharply in a tan overcoat with a black turtleneck sweater underneath. He also carried an old fashioned leather medical bag which seemed to be rather large and heavy. Even though the normal appearance of this man disconcerted him, Bill was no fool. This was very obviously the Creator if his powerful aura was anything to tell by. He was just wearing a human male’s body instead of his usual non-binary attire.  
“Hello Cipher.” He greeted calmly.  
Bill gave yet another large and ridiculous bow, practically bending his body in half, “Oh great and powerful Creator, how I serve you.”  
The man rolled his eyes, clearly not amused to see Bill’s ever present theatrics, “Show me the boy.”  
“Right this way good sir,” Bill said with a laugh.  
The creator gave another sigh, hoping for this affair to be over with soon. Bill led him down a magnificent hall with giant stained glass windows on the left side and hand-made tapestries on the right. It would’ve been beautiful if it weren’t for the bloody and horrifying scenes illustrated across every square inch of the room. As much as the Creator didn’t have humanity, it still bothered him to see his creatures in such a state. Much of these pictures must be of Bill’s victory over the world, how he created complete chaos across the land. As much as the Creator was curious to ask Bill, he didn’t want to interact with the demon any longer than necessary.  
They soon arrived at a set of massive double doors that seemed to be made of gold. They had intricate carvings of triangles and eyes in an egyptian-like pattern. Even though the doors seemed rather heavy, Bill pushed them open with no effort, simply strolling on in, before closing it again. The room was large and very well decorated, with tall clear windows and gold leafed wallpaper. There was a black tile fireplace on the right side of the room and a large black couch in front of it. The bed was enormous, probably twice the size of a king sized bed. It was piled with furs and down pillows, and had a large gold canopy hanging over it. Resting in the middle of it all, frail and sickly, was Mason Pines, or Dipper as he had come to be known as. His face was pale and his breath shallow. Without having even seen the boy up close, the Creator could already tell he was suffering from a ‘broken heart’.  
The creator looked on silently, his eyes carefully scanning Dipper’s broken body. “You may stay, Cipher, but you must be quiet.”  
Bill nodded slowly, his seriousness seeming to have come back to him as he sat at the end of the bed.  
The creator slowly began lifting the blankets off of dipper’s body, careful not to wake him. He shivered and curled into himself, wearing no clothes but a pair of boxers. The creator rolled his body flat onto his back and whispered a spell that Bill could not discern. With a wave of his finger, dipper went completely still, unmoving and unbreathing.  
Bill almost had a panic attack, “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO HIM?” he screamed in an eldritch voice.  
“Silence,” the creator shot back, “I’ve returned him to his original state. The state I built him in.”  
This did not comfort Bill in the slightest, “AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”  
The creator snapped his fingers and Bill’s mouth could not move. His screams were muffled and he started pounding on the bed like a petulant child.  
“Cipher, if you would let me explain myself, you may have your voice back.”  
Bill went silent, looking up at the creator bitterly.  
“When I create anything, I start with the materials that the earth gives me, such as clay, stone, wood, crystal, glass, and metal,” as he said this he began to open Dipper’s chest like it was a wooden box, “I most commonly make humans out of clay to make them tough and capable of handling what life gives them. But in Dipper’s case, I made him and his sister’s skin out of pine wood, which is a softer variety. It makes them more capable of absorbing emotions, which made their relationship more empathetic. In your case however, you very often create turmoil and emotional destruction. So when Dipper absorbed it, he couldn’t take it. This is partially the reason why he continues to sleep, to avoid your wrath.”  
Bill looked down, ashamed of himself and embarrassed that the creator could so clearly see his mistakes.  
The inside of Dipper’s chest was strange to see, because in this state he lacked fleshiness. In the place of soft organs and meat was hard, organic materials such as wood for his ribs and clay for his lungs. “The other reason why he sleeps is because he houses a broken heart,” the creator gestured to the space between his ribs, that of which contained a white, ceramic heart with a very visible, large crack down the center of it.  
The Creator reached into his old medical bag, pulling out a small iron pot, a box of matches, and a thin strip of gold.  
“I can repair his heart quite easily, it’s simply a matter of melting the gold and pouring it into the crack of his heart.”  
Bill knew of this technique, it was invented by humans in Japan. He believed it was called… kintsugi.  
The creator created a small fire that rested in the palm of his hand, “The complicated part, Cipher, is that you must be very careful with him once he is healed. It is harder to repair a heart that is twice broken, practically impossible in fact. And at that point I will no longer be able to help you.”  
He held the pot of gold over his hand for a minute or so, before carefully pouring it into the crack of Dipper’s heart. Bill found it somewhat poetic that his color and element was now to be permanently part of Dipper’s body.  
“I must warn you Bill, for the time that he is to be healing, his heart will have to be put on ice to avoid further complications,” as he said this, his other hand turned icy cold with streams of frost coming off of it, “Until it thaws, he will be more bitter and cross with you than he’s ever been before,” at this point the Creator became deadly serious, “If he becomes violent or overly upset, you _must _control your temper, or else he will be permanently broken. Do I make myself clear?” The fire in his eyes was deadly serious and Bill nodded quickly to avoid having his neck potentially broken.  
The god pressed his hand to Dipper’s heart, encasing it in a thick layer of ice and frost. “Good,” He snapped his fingers and Bill’s mouth was operational again, “I will come to visit him in a few human weeks to see how he’s doing.” He closed Dipper's chest finally and repeated the incantation from before, giving him animation again, “He should be awake in a few hours. Make sure to give him some warm clothes and something hot to eat.” As Bill led the god to the door once more, he wondered what his Pinetree’s mind was made of. He had to ask. “What did you make his brain out of?” The creator smirked, knowing that this process of his would make Bill curious, “I made it of crystal. It’s harder than glass, so that it doesn’t break of insanity, but it’s clear enough to see the world as it is, and it's good for learning and thinking.” Bill smiled, he always knew his Pinetree was smart.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I made the Creator, I wanted him to be a kind of god that you might hear about in old mythology and folk tales about the creation of humans. A lot of these stories talk about how humans were made of clay and baked into life, but I wanted to represent different aspects of a human through the materials that they are made of, because we are all different. sO, sorry that this chapter is strange and makes little to no sensE, but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.


	3. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill tries to get Dipper to eat, but it goes somewhat badlY

True to his word, Dipper awoke a few hours later while Bill was in the library. He was deep into a pile of books about humans, when he felt Dipper’s presence in his mind. When Dipper is asleep, his mind emits lazy, slow waves as opposed to when he is awake, where his mind gives off jagged, panicked thoughts. He wishes his Pinetree felt safer here, even though the reason he doesn’t is Bill’s fault.  
He teleported straight to his room, being sure to scare him as little as humanly possible. Dipper was still in bed, glaring into the pillow beside him.  
“Oh Pinetreeeeee~”  
Dipper groaned lowly and rolled over to face him, “What do you _want _?”  
As Dipper had awoken, he was _angry _in a way that he couldn’t explain. He almost wanted to compare it to when Mabel was on her period and she would get upset at such trivial things, like the way that her own mabel juice tasted, or how bright the lights were. He just felt misdirected rage at everything. Everything was horrible. The bed was too stuffy, the lights were too dim, the room was… fucking yellow, he hadn’t read a book in months, and Bill’s face was not the one he wanted to see. Ever.  
“Times up! Your ‘sleep forever’ expiration date is today.”  
He groaned again and rolled over the other way, “Go away.”  
Bill felt a flicker of impatience pull at his face, but he pushed it down with his ever present grin.  
“C’mooon Pinetree! You need to eat and stuff, right?”  
“Not as an immortal, no.” Just then his stomach gave an audible growl to which he sighed, “why don’t you just let me fall asleep again?”  
“I’m afraid you’ve lost that ability for a while my lovely godling.”  
“Why and how?” he shot back.  
Bill stalked over and pulled the blankets off of Dipper.  
“W-what are you doing!?”  
“Relax, Pinetree.” He softly pressed his hand to the space over Dipper's heart, “does it hurt?”  
“Does what hurt? What the hell are you talking about?”  
Bill hummed and removed his hand before marching across the room to the wardrobe in the corner.  
“Bill, what’s going on?”  
“Oh nothing important really, I just wanted to see your pretty face~” He flirted as he pulled out an oversized maroon sweater and jeans.”  
Dipper scoffed, sitting up, but still not daring to leave the bed as he feared Bill would do something drastic. As Bill turned around with comfy clothes in his hands, Dipper was surprised. He’s always trying to get him to wear skimpy, uncomfortable outfits. Dipper squinted. There’s no way that this isn’t some kind of trick. Bill tossed the clothes onto his bed without preamble, an invitation for him to get dressed.  
“What do you want to eat?” Bill asked. He almost seemed… shy? Are demons capable of shyness?  
Dipper continued to squint suspiciously, “What is this…?”  
“C’mon Pinetree, I shouldn't have to make up an excuse to spend time with my soulmate!”  
Dipper shuddered, every time he even acknowledged the fact that their souls were connected, he got a little sick inside. How could he, an educated, nonviolent human be _soulmates _with a demon of chaos and greed. What did he do to have fate fuck him over so bad?  
“You know, I don’t think I really want to eat. Or get up. Or do anything with you.”  
Bill sighed, “Pinetree, I know I don’t need to remind you of your position in this place,” he snapped his fingers, magically teleporting Dipper from the bed to the floor.  
“You’re hungry Pinetree. Even if you are immortal, you still need food to avoid feeling sick,” he said sternly.  
Dipper stood up slowly and carefully, only then realizing how weak and ill he felt. He held onto one of the bedposts, trying to regain balance, but failing to keep his knees from buckling. Bill was swiftly by his side, supporting him and lifting him into sitting on the bed.  
“Oh my poor, helpless Pinetree… See what happens when you don’t take care of yourself?”  
Dipper suddenly felt a flash of anger, hotter than before. “Get away from me Cipher. I don’t need your help.” His words were cold as ice.  
Bill felt his eyes turn red and his teeth grow sharp. If he wanted to, he could _gut _Pinetree right now…  
_“If he becomes violent or overly upset, you must control your temper, or else he will be permanently broken.” _The words of the Creator flashed in his mind and he pushed down his fury. He forced a smile back onto his face and backed away from Dipper, letting him get dressed by himself, pulling the sweater over skinny arms and a malnourished chest.  
He seemed angrier than usual, glaring at the floor as if he wanted to sink into it. Dipper was never known for his cheery moods, but Bill was almost surprised. When the creator said that Dipper’s heart would make him temperamental, he honestly didn’t believe it would be any worse than he was usually.  
As Dipper finished getting dressed, he slowly tried standing up, using the bedframe for balance.  
“Are you suuuure you don’t need any help, Pinetree~?”  
“No, I’m pretty damn sure I don’t need any help.” As he said this, his legs shook, threatening to let him fall again.  
“Nope, you need help,” Bill swiftly hefted Dipper in his arms, teleporting them to the nearest dining room before Dipper could get any protest out. In a flash, Dipper was placed in a seat at an enormous dining table, capable of fitting maybe 50 people. Bill clicked his fingers and the table was filled with a giant feast, filled with foods many of which Dipper couldn’t name. There were meats and fruits that looked nothing like what he might find on earth, to the left of him there was a roast leg that would resemble a turkey, but it was blue and had a claw that clearly did not belong to a bird.  
Dipper scowled at the table, the smells of this alien sustenance making his stomach more desperate.  
“I’m not hungry.” He said again, turning away from the table.  
Bill, who was seated right next to him, looked on with repressed anger, making itself known on his face. Though his toothy grin had yet to leave, his eyebrows were pinched in irritation, and maybe also worry. He had not known Dipper to be capable of restraining his human needs.  
When Bill describes Dipper as being “immortal”, the meaning is very relative. Dipper is immortal in the sense that he can’t die, but that does not mean he can’t get sick, hurt, or incredibly depressed. And it has recently come to his attention that he _can _die of specific complications. Because of this, Dipper needs to eat food and do more than just sleep, even if he doesn’t want to.  
“My dearest Pinetree, you and I both know that I’m the one in charge here,” he started slowly,“ and because I’m in charge, I say what you get to do here. And what you get to do right now, is eat.” he said the last words with pure venom and Dipper could swear his eyes flashed red briefly.  
Dipper remained unphased and he glared at the table, still starving, but too stubborn to admit it. He shakily reached a skinny arm out, pulling a plate of pancakes to him. They smelled absolutely divine, a fluffy stack with real maple syrup dripping down the side. He could almost smell the Mystery Shack back in Gravity Falls during a Sunday morning. He felt his throat clench up, the hot tears beginning to prick the back of his eyes, but he didn’t let himself cry. He shoved a large piece of pancake into his mouth, big enough to leave him without room to sob, though he gravely wanted to.  
Bill felt the pang of guilt like a titlewave. It washed over him like a physical caress, starting in his chest and wrapping around his whole body. It was a sickening feeling. He had never felt Dipper’s emotions so strongly, he felt like he was going to choke.  
Dipper continued to stuff his face, letting the stinging tears escape freely. He didn’t want to have to talk about it. He never wanted to talk about it again, the way that his world just collapsed around him. It had been months since he’d seen his sister and she would probably be dead before he ever got the chance to see her again. He clenched his hands around the table cloth, his knuckles turning white as he forced his eyes shut. His face felt red hot and he could barely bring himself to chew his food, the pent up desperation and despair coming to the surface so intensely, in a way he hadn’t felt before. He had spent so long in Bill’s presence, without catharsis or emotional release, he bottled up everything, left all his preservations for hating Bill and wishing he would die. Dipper couldn’t cry in front of him, because he wouldn’t understand, so instead of letting himself feel, he just slept and fell deeper into hopelessness than ever before. Bill couldn't understand. Demons don’t have family, they don’t have a soul, they have eternity, which will never be the same thing as a life.____________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some slightly unfinished angst! I honestly didn't know where to go after Dipper started crying, so I just kinda left it there :P I promise things are happening between them thO


	4. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill starts going crazy about why tf he isn't good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hgjkdsfhjdshjg sorrY I haven't uploaded in 78586682 yearS. School got me by the neck and to be completely honest, I was way caught up with writing a different fic. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter tho! I love seeing Bill in paiN >:)

It had probably been hours since Dipper’s little breakdown, but Bill couldn’t bring himself to care about human time when he had something so dire to accomplish. When Dipper had started crying, Bill had no idea what to do. He’s not very graceful when it comes to “emotions”, all he knew at that moment was that he was in _big _trouble. He teleported himself to sit Dipper in his lap and he wrapped his long demon arms around him. Dipper just cried harder.  
“Pinetree, what’s wrong? What did I do this time?” Bill’s voice held no sympathy, only panic. He knew that this was what he should’ve been watching for, what he should’ve _avoided. _The entire purpose of this meal was for Dipper to feel better and the fact that he is somehow _sobbing meant Bill had fucked up. _Badly. _  
Currently, Bill was pacing around his library, telepathically picking up books and throwing them out with barely a glance. His eye had turned fully golden, with no pupil visible, a sign of intense focus. Every book he picked up had something to do with “caring for” and “human” on the cover. Bill had never had a reason to understand people or even just _living creatures _for that matter, he was like a fish out of water, (Not like he understands that metaphor anyway…) But in this moment he needed to understand, to help. He won’t know how to help Dipper until he knows humans and their emotional needs.  
The books he has already seen are basic, physical needs of humans. They go under titles such as, _“How to Care For Your Pet Human,” _and _“Your Human’s Anatomy and Basic Needs” _, and _“Humans for Dummies” _. None of them said anything about the psychological demands of owning a human.  
“Owning” is another word that Bill has trouble with. He has never not “owned” something. His henchmaniacs? He owns them. This castle? He owns it. Earth and all its inhabitants? He owns that now too. But Dipper? That’s complicated… He would like to say he owns him, that Dipper’s mind, body, and soul belong to him, but he couldn’t truly say that and be sure of it. By now, his partners in crime, aka Cernunnos and Tom have more or less completely figured out their soulmates. They even kinda get along! For Bill to control and dominate Dipper, he would have to have a certain amount of disregard for his feelings. This is easy when it comes to everything else, he could give less shits about the state of his subjects, and his henchmaniacs are subjected to psychological torture every day. Dipper just happens to be the exception that he can’t get around. If he could, Bill would lock Dipper in his room every day and never let him out. He would flog him, and fuck him, and abuse him in every way he can think of, but he just _can’t _. Whatever curse the universe calls a “soulmate” has left him without the ability to be the uncaring bastard that everyone knows him to be! And it’s _killing him. _  
There is a part of him that knows that the feelings he has for Dipper are purely implemented by The Creator, that when Dipper feels pain he does too and vice versa. But he also knows that deep down he does actually have affection for Dipper. These soft, fluffy feelings of protection and admiration. He _hates _it. He wants to gut his heart out with a rusty blade, but that also wouldn’t do him any good. His best option right now, would be to actually learn about Dipper, to understand his situation and his life. To teach himself about being kind, no matter how much he hates that word.  
Bill knows practically everything about Dipper’s life, heck he knows almost the entire extent of knowledge in the Universe! But knowing someone’s life is different from sympathizing with it. Another one of his issues is the concept of “family”. Bill was born of cosmic forces and the fear of being watched. After being born, he had no family, no caregivers, and no friends. Essentially, he was completely alone and genuinely he was fine with that. He is a _demon _for gods sake. Humans on the contrary, are raised to be dependent on each other. They rely on their families and friends to be themselves and to protect each other. For Dipper to be ripped from his family so completely is more than enough to do some genuine emotional damage.  
Bill cringed, taking in that passage of knowledge again, trying to fully grasp the idea. Part of what made having Dipper so fun was that he fully belonged to Bill, that he was the only one who could make Dipper laugh or cry. It was the demonic standard for humans to be slaves to demons, not lovers. So for a demon to have a human and also keep their family around is an unwanted, unnecessary hassle. For demons to even have a soulmate is one of the rarest things in the world! It was only through a universal force of will and fate that any demon be deemed powerful or worthy enough of a soulmate. Bill and cohorts just happened to be the 0.0001%.  
Bill sighed and closed the book, his eye finally turning back to its normal, slitted appearance. Dipper was the one thing he’d ever had to work to get. He was so entrancing, and beautiful, and smart. He was so obviously made for Bill with the way that he observed and learned his world, how he was quick to find conclusions. Bill only wished Dipper could _see _that, how they were destined to be together._________________________


	5. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is saaaad. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally started evil laughing while writing this >>:)

Dipper felt his body a million miles away from himself, somewhere floating in space. After he’d started crying at lunch, Bill was quick to embrace him and attempt some kind of… “comfort”, but It didn’t help. In that moment, he felt so… gone. Bringing himself back to reality was hard enough when he was panicking, but it was worse with Bill around.  
Sometime between then and now, he was brought to the bathroom, which is maybe more of a bathhouse. An intricate, opalescent stained glass dome shone above him, letting shards of light fall onto the hot shimmering bath water. All around him, there were plants floating in crystal terrariums, vibrant green leaves spilling out into the air. The bath he was currently sitting in was at least 30 feet in diameter, and no deeper than five feet, in the shape of a hexagon, with sitting ledges all around the circumference. Dipper sat there, lost in his mind, his eye glazed over with fog and depression. Somewhere deep in his chest, he felt an ache. A hurt that was akin to when you’ve been walking too long and your legs begin to feel sore. If he put a hand over his chest where his heart beats, he would find the space to be cold and hollow.  
What did Bill do to him?  
Dipper finally glanced around him, taking in his new surroundings. He had probably been sitting there for half an hour at least, but this was the first time he’d actually looked at this room. He breathed in and out, sinking a little deeper into the water, letting it flow up to his chin. As long as he was here he might as well actually bathe himself…  
There was a kind of peace in non-normalcy, a kind of forgiveness for your environment. That was what Dipper thought at least. He could forgive the castle for being so looming and unfamiliar, he could forgive the food for being uncanny, he could even forgive the bedroom for being so excessive and yellow. Trauma is a funny thing that way. If he were back in his own home, the shack, he might feel bitterness for the routine. For Bill to take him, to torment him in such a way, only for him to be back in the familiar, the mundane… He’s sure it would kill him. He would have to lie awake every single night to listen for any sounds, any hint that Bill might come back and take his revenge. That was what Dipper was grateful for, that he didn’t have to not rest. He could go to sleep every night and be sure that the pain would continue in the morning. There was no need for paranoia or jumpiness, the hurt continued on, with or without his consent.  
He _ached _for Mabel’s presence. When he was little, no matter how often he told himself that he didn’t need her, that she was just annoying, he was always wrong. She was the light in his darkness, a reason to keep existing, she balanced him. And that was barely scratching the surface. It’s not just that she was there for him, it was that for every mistake he made, she could undo it. It’s not like he wouldn’t remember these errors, or not be embarrassed about them, it’s that in the moment, she always knew him, always understood why he would do something so stupid. She probably didn’t understand right now though…  
Dipper finished washing himself, stepping out of the water to grab a fluffy towel. He thought about Bill and the conflicting feelings he carries. There was some part of Dipper that wanted to believe that Bill cared for him, that Dipper wasn’t just a mere puppet in his schemes. But he knew that part of himself was the soulmate instincts, how every time Bill would get close enough Dipper’s heart would race and his inhibitions gave way. That part of him _wanted _to be touched and held, to be taken care of, but Bill doesn’t know the definition of “care”.  
Dipper glared at himself in the mirror, bitterly regarding the empty socket where his eye used to be. Surprisingly, he can still see through it. If he closes his remaining eye, the world still appears to him. If he puts a hand over his lost eye, he is momentarily blinded. He has no loss of depth perception whatsoever. Dipper assumes it’s due to godly powers, and magic, and whatsohaveyou. However, he’s also not immune to the idea that Bill granted him sight in that eye. He detests the idea, Bill was the one who took it in the first place, but it does not escape his mind.  
After dressing once more, he steps out into the bedroom, contemplating the idea of just going to sleep again. The idea is… tempting to say the least, but who's to say Bill won’t just wake him up again. No, it’s probably best if he stays up, at least for the rest of the “day”. He stepped out into the hallway, paying no mind to the gruesome artwork on the walls and windows. If he had a mind for caring about his surroundings, he might spite Bill into hiring an interior designer, but he knows that whatever poor soul he chooses would probably end up dead or tortured.  
The worst and best part of wandering Bill’s hallways is that it’s directionless. The way that they operate is through the user, you think of where you want to go within the castle and it brings you there. If you have no destination in mind, it could have you walking forever, or it might just bring you somewhere random. While Dipper often appreciated this feature of the castle, he was currently hoping to actually _be _somewhere. The corridor just kept turning, on and on, it didn’t matter how fast or slow he walked, he never seemed to reach the end of the curve. He broke into a full-on sprint, praying to the castle that it might actually lead him somewhere. He could feel panic rising in his throat, the feeling that he might find somewhere horrible again, or worse, nowhere at all. He jogged to a stop and fell against the wall, breath coming out in short pants.  
_Why did everything have to be so awful in this place?” _  
When he looked to his left, there was an enormous set of double doors.  
It was the ballroom, he remembered it from the first time he was brought here. Dipper wasn’t really sure you could call it a ballroom though, based on his account of absolutely no ball dancing ever occurring in this room. He looked at the carved, golden knobs, just a head too high for him to reach. From his angle, he could make out a giant keyhole on the right door, but something told him he could open it anyway. He laid his back against the door, pushing with all his strength, fully expecting a fight with it. The door slid open easily, too easily, he fell over into the room, landing firmly on his ass. He groaned, feeling a bruise coming in on his tailbone.  
As he got up, he turned around, taking in the majesty of the grand hall. The ceilings must have been at least a hundred feet tall, supported by smooth, ivory white pillars made to look like bone. For all Dipper knew, they probably were bone. The whole room was painted in a garish magenta and coral, the lighting coming from seemingly nowhere. The floor was a glittering gold and silver (of course), in a large check pattern. At three points on the ceiling there were these large, cream colored chandeliers, covered in diamonds. Though they were far up, Dipper was certain he could make out what looked like a skull on each branch of the fixtures. He chose not to think about it for too long. There were sconces along the walls, little golden lamps with tiffany glass shades and around the perimeter of the room were 50 or so tables, round and as always, gold. To the back of the room however, was Bill’s “gift”. The curtained off space that protected him from the parties Bill had thrown. Without even really thinking about it, Dipper started to walk towards it.  
It was still as he’d remembered it, the woodland scenic walls, the odd bent pine tree in the center, the sound of forest ambiance. The stained glass ceiling stood silent above him, throwing scattered blocks of light around, the fireflies lazily hovered about him, it was… magical to say the least. There is nothing to appreciate about this castle, every room and hall is as extravagant and useless as the last, but as much as Dipper didn’t appreciate this gift when it was first given to him, he finds himself actually happy that it’s here.  
He walked over to the balcony, throwing the doors open letting in the outdoor air. He breathed deeply, remembering what it was like to actually be outside. He can’t really remember the last time he’d been out of the castle. It was probably before he even got here, months ago. Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t really _see _what was beyond the railing of the platform. It just looked to be a grey mass floating underneath them. He reached his hand out beyond the rail only to be stopped by an invisible force.  
_“What?” _  
There was a force field surrounding the balcony. This was obviously to keep him from jumping off and committing suicide, but he couldn’t help but be pissed.  
_Why the hell did Bill think he was suicidal? _Dipper almost felt offended, especially because now he couldn’t even die.  
Then Dipper thought again. He looked back down to the surface below him and realized something.  
_They were literally floating above earth. _Above the clouds of Gravity Falls for all he knew. In that instance, a plan started to form.________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Maniacal laughing ensues*


	6. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper and Bill have a heated... chat.

Bill made his way down the hall from the library, swinging his cane idly around his arm. He could feel Dipper’s mind in his own and for the first time in a while, he was calm. Maybe calm wasn’t the word, but he definitely wasn’t panicking, he was focused. Bill grinned, it had been so long since his Pinetree had become curious about something. He could picture him chewing a pencil right now…   
Strangely enough, Dipper wasn’t where Bill had left him. The bathroom was empty and so was the bedroom. It wasn’t like it was hard to find his Pinetree in this castle, but Bill can’t remember the last time Dipper had gone exploring. His castle was naturally inclined to let Bill know where he was at all times, so when it started leading him in the direction of the ball room, he laughed.  
“Oh I’m so glad you’ve come to appreciate your little present my Pinetree~” Bill said as he lifted the curtain back.  
Dipper turned around in shock, sure that he would be alone for a little while longer. He had one of his fingernails between his teeth, seeing as he lacked any pens for biting.  
He sighed, turning his eyes away, “What do you want, Bill?”  
“Oh nothing, just checking up on my pretty Pinetreeee. Why weren’t you in the bath?”  
Dipper felt a slight protectiveness for his freedom to roam. It wasn’t like Bill to be asking him to stay in one place… “Uh, because I finished washing? Why does it matter?” he answered.  
“I would just prefer it if I could keep my eye on you a little more.” Bill stepped forward and placed his hand under Dipper’s chin.  
Dipper felt his breath catch in his throat, the soulmate instincts, making him susceptible to Bill’s wishes. He backed away, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing.  
“Is that _all _you really want from me?” As he said this, his heart panged in discomfort. It felt _cold _, like ice. When he breathed, it was like the room had dropped 50 degrees, he could see his breath! He started uncontrollably shivering and his teeth began to chatter.  
Bill reacted immediately, his eyebrows knotting in apprehension and awareness. He _knew _what was wrong with Dipper and he hadn’t said anything! Ever!  
“B-B-Bill? W-What did you do to me?!”  
“Pinetree, we gotta get you somewhere warm.”  
“No! Explain!” As he yelled, he felt his heart clench painfully, like it was cramping up. He doubled over, holding his hands over his chest like a shield.   
“You are much too stubborn for your condition right now, I’ll explain when we get you warm!” For the first time in Dipper’s life, Bill actually sounded responsible, like he _cared _. He didn’t have time to dwell on it though.  
Dipper didn’t have any fight left in him, all that he knew was that it _hurt _, it hurt like hell. It was like when you’ve spent too long in the snow and you can’t feel your fingers, the way that the numb pain crawls through your limbs, and if you put your hands under warm water, it aches and stings even more. The feeling was exactly like that.  
Bill pulled Dipper into his arms, teleporting them to their room. With a snap of his fingers, the fireplace was lit, a thick blanket was wrapped around Dipper, and a mug of hot chai tea was in his hands. Bill wrapped himself tightly around Dipper’s back, looking something akin to a skinny, demon koala.  
“Wh-Wha-” Dipper was immediately disoriented. The room seemed to be spinning and he couldn’t remember where he was.  
“Shhh. I brought you back to our room. Drink.” He tapped the mug.  
“I-I don’t understand. What’s happening, w-why wouldn’t you tell me about something like this?”  
Bill sighed, burying his face into the blanketed curve of Dipper’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”  
“W-Well I do! Y-You think I'm just gonna let you g-get away with something like this?!”  
“You almost died on me.”  
“What?”  
“I wasn’t taking care of you and the gods fucking hate me, so they made you sick, so I had to do this to you!”  
“I-I don’t understand…”  
Bill lifted his head, “I had to call upon the great creator to heal you, because I had broken your heart. He binded it back together and froze it, so you could heal more easily. Does that make sense?”  
Dipper was well aware of The Great Creator's existence. Grunkle Ford occasionally mentioned them as a possible theory to the ways of Gravity Falls. When Dipper asked him where he’d heard of the god, his answer was “ancient texts and astrology studies.” What he meant was Bill Cipher. What Dipper didn’t understand right now, was why Bill _cared _.  
“N-No! Why does it matter that much to you! Y-You could’ve just let me fucking die and the world would be fine! You would be fine! You’d be fucken peachy- AH!” Another stab rang out in Dipper’s heart.  
“Shhh! Stop, Slow down, you’re hurting yourself!”  
“W-Why do you care so much? You’ve never been concerned in your entire life.”  
Bill sighed, his stomach churning with guilt, “Of course I care. I always have… it just took me a while to realize it.”  
Dipper sniffled, taking a sip of the tea. It tasted too familiar, like sick days spent at home in bed or snow days where you’d wake up to the smell of scented candles.  
“You spent s-so long hating me and torturing me. Why is it that only _after _you realize we’re soulmates, you begin to give a shit about me?”  
“Oh don’t misunderstand Pinetree, I _never _hated you, I just have a funny way of showing… fondness.”  
Dipper laughed bitterly. “Fondness” was one way of putting it.  
“You’re just like everyone else in my life. Only when I begin to show potential do you begin to like me… except for Mabel of course.”  
Bill stayed silent for a long time. Too long by the demon’s standards. When he did speak again, Dipper jolted.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“What did you say?”  
“I’m sorry. I know nothing about humans, I know nothing about tending to things or people, and I know nothing about you. I can’t even do one thing right.”  
When Dipper didn’t say anything, he continued.  
“You know demons well enough to understand that we don’t get “emotions”, we just manipulate them, so when you landed in my lap along with the recipe for armageddon, I couldn’t resist… and while I’m not sorry for taking over the world…”  
Dipper glared at him.  
“I am sorry for stealing you from your life. It literally _hurts _me when you’re sad, like physically, which is something I’ve never experienced before, so while there’s a part of me that needs you to be happy so _I _don’t hurt, there’s also a part of me that doesn’t like seeing you miserable just because. I _want _to make you happy, I’m just not very good at doing that.”  
The silence continued. Bill could feel the thoughts in Dipper’s head, the formulation of an answer.  
“If you’re so sorry and you want to make me happy, then why do you keep being so horrible. I swear to the gods, I haven’t experienced a second of joy since I got here and you’ve never seemed super keen on fixing that.”  
“Because I don’t know you Pinetree. I don’t know what you like or what you want-”  
“Here, let me give you a start. Release me.”  
“It’s not that simple Pinetree!” Bill began to sound desperate, almost angry.  
Dipper could feel the pinpricks of tears in his eyes again, but he refused to cry, not after what happened last time.   
Bill hugged him tighter, the pain of Dipper’s sadness like a weight in his chest.  
It was in that moment that Dipper made up his mind. He had to leave.______________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahah

**Author's Note:**

> The latin is real and can be roughly translated through google btw ;P


End file.
